Saturday, 10 June 2017

Stealthing, Sexual Consent and Stalking. My Real Life Hollyoaks Storyline. The Truth & Nothing Less.

Hi guys.

Guess who's back, back, back, back again, again, again, Leya's back, back, back, tell your friends. 

How long has it been now that I took my hiatus?! Let me think... So my last post was in October... almost 7 months. Just wow!! 

I have seriously missed blogging so much!!! I just haven't had the time. I started a new job and now I go to the gym and go out and about a heck of a lot more than I used to so I struggle to find time.

Have no fear however. I am here to stay. 

I am back with a bang with this post though as it's a serious one!! It's completely relevant right now with the Hollyoaks storyline being out there and one of which has happened to me. 

I want the truth out there, I want to be heard, I will never back down and I will not be intimidated by the fact certain people involved may see this and not like the truth. I am sorry if it hurts... Here's a bandaid!!! 

As the title of this post suggests, I am going to tell you about something that has happened to me recently, something I hope nobody else goes through because it's horrible. I am a completely honest person through and through and this story is what you're going to get. Some of you reading this may be following me on Instagram so if you have been wondering why I have been posting certain things you're about to find out why. 

I hope you have a cup O'Charlie with you because this is a long one.... Here I go. 

The Background

Back when I was 16 I used to hang out with a group of guys. One guy in particular I took an interest in. He was mysterious, didn't talk much but had these eyes that just hooked you in. I started seeing him back then briefly but he was a tool and messed me around. Young kid stuff really. However he did make me do something that I wasn't comfortable with sexually and I was still a virgin. I had NO experience whatsoever. I confided in my mum and told her what had happened, evidently she told my dad and my dad contacted this guy and told him never to contact me again. End of. 

How It Started

12 years on... Late 2016 I was driving to work, I was driving pretty slow up the hill because my car was overheating... I saw this vehicle over take me. I realised who it was. It was this guy. His vehicle is distinctive. I had his number so I text him when I got to work and said " I think you just overtook me, lol". We started to talk. The next thing I know I have this girl messaging me on Facebook full on flipping her lid that I am talking to her partner, he has a kid, blah blah blah. I literally didn't know any of this so I apologised and told her I am a friend from the past and that's that. I cut off all contact... He kept contacting me though. 

Okay, so skip forward to like the last week in Jan 2017. I am sat at home with my parents watching television in the living room. My phone starts vibrating... I look down to see this guy calling me. I said to my mum "oh, it's (and for this story's sake I will name him the rat and the female, fruit loop) the rat". I wasn't going to pick up but I stupidly did. That was the BIGGEST mistake of my whole life. I legit wish I hadn't because what is to follow was opening the gates of hell. 

The rat had called me to 'catch up' - I told him he has a girlfriend and I really don't think he should be contacting me. He told me that they had split up ages ago and that one of the biggest mistakes he made was how he treated me back when I was 16 and when we lost contact. We spoke on the phone almost every day, text constantly. He seemed (please note SEEMED) a completely different person. "A kid changes you" he said, "I am not a d**k like I used to be back then" he said. 

Yeah right pal, deluded much!! 

He kept wanting to meet up with me, the first night that we spoke, I think it was, he asked me to go over and he would order pizza. Now, when it comes to guys, I am very shy, awkward and practically act as if they have rabies. I have been single for over 8 years, I had slept with 3 people in my entire life and I never sleep around. It's just not my style. I have too much self respect. He took that away. 

After around a week of chatting, getting to know each other again and listening to him whine on about his ex we decided to meet up. I wanted to meet in a public place because I hadn't seen him for years and I was mega nervous. He didn't want that in fear that the fruit loop would see us. At this point we were 'friends' so I didn't see what the problem was. Eventually I went round to his house and his mum and sister (who I've met before) were there. I felt a little less nervous knowing that. It was cool, I met his sister again (she was very little before) and she introduced me to her black cat. His mum offered me pizza. I said no as I wasn't feeling very well. I met his dog, he is beautiful!! As I said, I wasn't feeling well at all so at around 21.00 I told him I had to go. He walked me to my car and went in for the kiss. I automatically jumped away and went "urrggghhh" - this obviously offended him but he caught me off guard and it was the first time seeing him. I wasn't ready for that shit. I ignored a lot of warning signs and for that I am mad at myself for. 

After that incident, I apologised via text if I made him feel bad but I explained that I am a slow burner and I have to take things in my time. It's just the way I work. I am almost 30 years old, I would see this guy one day and think 'yeah I could get to like him' and other times I would be like 'naaaaaa'. I was very up and down in my feelings. I ignored my gut. I would see him on a night time only, Monday, Wednesday, Friday and Sunday and this pattern lasted for weeks. 

We would be sat in his mum's living room, watching movies and talking. I am a very open person so I told him about ex's, how many people I had slept with, something that happened to me a while ago and just general chit chat. He would just slag his ex off most of the time. Now, I believe that there are two sides to every story and I wouldn't just take into account his version of her. I was wrong. I should of believed that part. Likewise this is my side to the story - but this is the only side as this is the truth. 

What I soon found out was this guy is a pathological, narcissistic sociopath who is a bloody good spin doctor. I will explain. 


After a few weeks of seeing each other a heck of a lot, speaking on the phone every day and night and texting, this guy bought a tv to put in his room. His brother had an argument with his gf and they had split up - she moved into the living room with her kid so we then had to go and sit in his room. How convenient. 

I helped him put the television up. The rat is very very touchy feely and was quite boisterous with me but the more I was seeing him the more I started to like him (regrettably). He would tell me (quickly soon on) that he was staring to fall for me, that I am special, that I deserve a lot and all the general bullshit that guys like him spill to vulnerable and needy girls like me. I believed him. I brought my guard down. Why did I allow that?! Why, because he was worming his way in. 

He has a very high sex drive, now when I say high, I mean abnormal. He has a serious problem. A problem I had to endure. There were so many warning signs, my gut was telling me but I was ignoring them in fear that I would be left on the shelf for the rest of my life. I thought to myself that I was just being nervous and awkward like I usually am. I would have to say "NO" a lot to him because he didn't understood the word "NO". I just thought I was being frigid. I hadn't slept with anyone for around a year and a half and put it down to that. He would constantly compliment me. He gave me what I was craving. Attention. Big mistake. 

A couple of days before the first incident the rat kept trying it on and I said to him " do you have any condoms" he said no and I said "well you're not going in there bareback". No way. He told me he was 'clean'. Still nope. 

It was the 17th of February 2017 when I decided that I thought I was ready to sleep with him. I wanted it to be on my terms, when I thought I was ready and at this point I was. I made it VERY clear that I wouldn't sleep with him without a condom. I brought my own condoms with me which I had for a long WHILE. They were almost out of date. Ha. When it came down to it he suddenly had a strip on condoms which he stated was his brothers. They were in the draw attached to his bed. I thought 'okay cool' - he's taken what I said and that's cool. No he didn't. 

We got naked, as you do and then I started to panic, now I say panic but my gut was telling me to get out of that situation. I told him to stop before anything had happened. I covered my eyes and told him "I don't think I can do this" - that I was too nervous and that I didn't think I was ready. He started to talk me around. I then thought okay I am just being stupid, it's been a long time, I am just nervous, get over it. I didn't want to get rejected so I went ahead with it even though I really didn't want to. That was my first  big mistake. I should of listened to my gut. 

This maybe TMI for some of you but I am keeping this real. I was not ready downstairs naturally... You get my drift because it wasn't feeling right, he just wanted to do the deed and he didn't give two f**ks about me. That's how I feel now. I reminded him that he needed to put a condom on and he was reluctant and seemed perplexed. I asked what his issue was. He told me "I don't like wearing condoms because I cannot feel anything. I haven't worn one for a long time". That's because he never used one with his ex. I told him tough and that they aren't the nicest for me but he's using one end of. 

It had been a while since I had last had sex and I wasn't ready, it all felt wrong. We tried but it just wasn't happening I mean it was like the Sahara desert down there. Oh but he kept trying even though I was telling him it was hurting the hell out of me. I told him again that I think we should stop because I was in so much pain. He wasn't gentle with me... He was completely the oposite. That's what he did and of course he then injured me. I was bleeding, it stung like shit and I felt bruised and disgusting. I told him to stop. I could of cried it hurt SO much. I now have a scar there. He tried again and we used vaseline on the condom because there was just no lube down there what-so-ever. I just wanted it over and done with because it felt like I had an army of fire ants crawling around my vajayjay. This time it felt a tiny bit better but it still hurt like hell because he continued to ram it in. I obviously wasn't enjoying it. I was just lay there hoping he would finish. He had but I never realised as he was really quiet and made no noise but was still going at this point. By this time I reached to check the condom was still there. You are probably asking why I checked... With my first boyfriend we had an incident where the condom came come off and it freaked me out so I always check now to make sure it's safe. 

Like I said. I reached out... And this is where it gets sinister and gets me SO MAD. The condom was gone. Yes gone. I jumped backwards, and was checking myself to see if it had come off (gross I know) in me, it wasn't there. He proceeded to ask me what I was doing. I looked up panicked and said "I am looking for the condom, where is the condom?" 

He looked at me and said "oh I took it off"... WHAT THE ACTUAL F**K!!!!

I said "what do you mean you took it off?!!!" - He said "I thought you knew". 

I moved even further away from him... I said "what do you mean you thought I knew, when did we have this conversation, when did you ask me?!!" 

I could of literally punched him in the face but I was that shocked to even move at this point. Panic hit me even more. I said to him that I was worried in case he had anything because I didn't know that he didn't. He said "oh don't worry, I have been checked recently and when I had my son". I had no reason not to believe him at this point. 

I knew what he did wasn't normal but I tried to put it to the back of my mind. I went to the toilet and OMG THE PAIN!!! I was bleeding, I couldn't walk, down there was fully injured. I got back into his room and got dressed and sat on the bed. I was scared to talk to him about it because I felt like I had made it into a big deal. He was all nonchalant. I couldn't comprehend what had just happened. Then his expression changed. His face went blank. I asked him what was wrong and he then said. 

"I am worried now", I said "why" and he then said "in case you have something" - you what?!!! Now back when I was first seeing him I told him that I have always had a clean sexual history because I look after myself as I really want kids one day, so when I sleep with someone a whole 4 people now including him I always get checked just for piece of mind. I have always had a clean history.

I said to him "what the heck are you worried for, you know you have nothing to worry about with me, I have a lot more to be worried about because you took it off without me knowing and I have to seriously trust you now." - he then said to me "Don't get pregnant will you!" Again, YOU GOD DAMN WHAT?!!!! I said "You are the one that did what you did and you tell me not to get pregnant, it's a good job I am on the pill because you didn't ask." 

At this point I wanted to get out of the house. He walked me to my car and I hurried off. I instantly rang my work colleague and told her what had happened. She wasn't happy at all, she said and excuse the pun "what a dick move". We were both flabbergasted at the nights events. 

As I drove home I felt really weird, I didn't feel well at all and I was in so much pain. Something I shouldn't be experiencing. I got home and hurried to bed before my parents saw me. I felt disgusting. 

The next day which is Sat 18th Feb I was due to see Busted in Birmingham. I woke up panicked and feeling weird. I cried. I couldn't pee properly because when I did I felt like there was an acid attack party down there. 

I went down stairs and I saw my mum. I burst into tears and told her. She was shocked at what he had done but both myself, my friend and my mum came to the same conclusion - he wouldn't lie to me but he shouldn't of done what he had done. Mum advised me to get checked. I tried to get an appointment but my doctor, who is very popular was booked up for weeks and I only go to see her as she has always done my tests and smears. I put what had happened to the back of my mind. I was getting ready for Busted and I felt horrendous. When mum and dad took me to the venue I almost never went in because I felt so weird and ill. He continuously kept texting me, saying how amazing I am, filling me with all the things I wanted to hear. I told him before hand that I don't think he could give me what I was needing and that we should call it quits. He begged me to give him a second chance. What a twat I am... Because I did. He hooked me back in. 

When he hugged me, I felt wanted. As pathetic as it sounds I do blame myself for going back to him because I was weak to him, he's nothing special at all and looking back now I think what the heck was I thinking. He's actually quite embarrassing. He knew that I liked the hugs and the closeness because that was what I was really craving. When he hugged me it felt like he really wanted me. He called me his girl, that I am his and that he's never met another girl like me. I have always been a strong woman but with him I wasn't. He drew me in and manipulated me and I never knew it until it was too late. 

I came on my period early, probably because it was so freakin traumatised. He blamed the condom. Of course he would. He would blame everything else instead of himself. That's what pathological liars do. Throw a pity party. 

I was actually relieved that I had a period for a week because I didn't want to sleep with him again after the traumatic experience that I had. We cuddled on the bed watching films. This is what I wanted. This is what I was asking for. This guy isn't romantic in the slightest, he doesn't think of others just himself and his gratification. So doing this was the only kind of 'romance' I got. I kept living in hope, he asked me for a second chance which I gave him and I was waiting for the change. Unfortunately for me it didn't happen and I started living a nightmare I couldn't mentally or physically get out of at this point. Even whilst on my period he would try it on. He didn't care, he was sex mad. This was the bit that put me off him. I would back off and I would tell him why and he would take me around. I just kept thinking it was me, there's something wrong with me. 

The second incident 

One of the nights, it was a Friday. I met him at his friends. I know the female friend from years ago and she's lovely. I met her husband and he's lovely too. He had a few drinks and I had nothing because I was driving. The rat started acting weird, kept going on about his kid and kept telling me to go to Spain with him in August. He kept going on and on and I told him to calm down as he was getting a little intense. Others were noticing it too. After a while we started to leave his friends and the female friend hugged me and told him to "look after his girlfriend". I pulled the horror of all faces because I gathered she had assumed that we were an item like that. We weren't. I didn't really know what we were. He had told her I was his girlfriend... Yeah I was in the loop with this one. Not.  I kept saying to him that I felt like a toy for him, he was fully aware of how I felt because I say what I think and that I wasn't getting anything out of this. He told me that I wasn't a toy and he didn't like it when I said things like that, that he was falling for me and I mean so much to him. He told me he was nervous and that's why he was acting a bit of dick. 

A BIT OF A DICK!!!! More like a lottle!!! 

During that day whilst I was at work he asked me what drink I like and I said Vodka, lemonade and lime. Even though I rarely drink. I thought he was going to take me out somewhere. Nope. He bought me the drink I said I liked. 

We went back to his, he poured me my drink. After a couple of glasses I was drunk... I am a lightweight, I hadn't eaten all day because I was nervous to see him and having this drink made me feel relaxed as I wasn't really aware of what was going on. ANOTHER mistake on my behalf for trusting him. 

I remember sat on the edge of the bed with the drink in my hand, Marilyn Manson amongst other songs came on. I felt happy, I was swaying about to these songs and I remember him just lay on the bed watching me, smiling. I got up and was spinning and dancing around the room and I remember him knocking my drink over on his new rug. After that, I don't remember a lot at all. All I remember was being on the bed and we were having sex. I don't remember it, I just kept having flashbacks. Up until this point, I had seen him a fair bit and I wouldn't stop over because I didn't feel comfortable. He kept begging me to stay and when I wouldn't he would either get in a mood with me or would get quite upset and say that he "hated this part" and would make me feel so guilty. Obviously, that night I had stayed because I was so drunk. I didn't have a clue what had happened properly. 

I went home and he said that he enjoyed last night, I said I felt a lot more relaxed and 'me' when I had had a drink, now I know why, the whole bottle of vodka had gone. He said that I got him drunk... Errrr I don't think so buddy, you poured the drinks and had already had some drink. I was catching up. He told me that he loved me dancing around the room in my underwear... 'You what?!' - this was via text, I told him... Did I?! I literally didn't remember. Now, don't get me wrong, I was seeing this guy, we had some sort of relationship, I wanted him to want me. I would send him the odd underwear shot, as you do. We had consensual sex after the condom event. Even though I dreaded it each time because it hurt so much. The next thing he told me though... Now, I don't fully remember having sex, I would black out and then wake up to catching snippets. I wasn't fully aware of what was going on, he then on the phone told me that he performed oral sex on me. Again, YOU WHAT!!! He kept trying to give me oral previously and I said "no" I don't like it at all, it's too personal and for me to ever let that happen would be when I completely trust this person. I had only been seeing him a couple of months. I always said no. He then tells me this when I don't remember a lot of what happened and I certainly didn't remember that happening. I felt violated. That was too intimate for me and he knew when I was sober I had said no but did it anyway because obviously I wasn't in a position to object because I was barely conscious. I was angry. 

This is where things got even weirder.

Behavioural changes

I noticed he started to change towards me. He became more boisterous and cold. One of the nights I went to his I instantly as soon as I walked through the door almost burst into tears and my gut was telling me to go home. WHY DIDN'T I LISTEN. My need for his attention outweighed everything. None of my family liked him and this just made me rebel more. I would make excuses for him and defend him and have arguments with my own family. I turned on them to be with him. He had a weird fixation with my dad and brother. He would always bring them up and say weird things. He mentioned something weird about my dad when I was drunk I remember turning to him with a whacked out face but cannot remember what he said at all. As I said, he started to really change. The number of times I would speak to him face to face to try and walk away. I told him to go back to his ex, so he could be with his kid. He would refuse as he hated his ex's guts. He told me she had hit him, a lot of very personal stuff. So I thought okay, maybe we could make this work. I have had one serious relationship in my whole life and that's it. I didn't really know what was normal. People are different. I accepted his disgusting behaviour because I thought at that point this is how it's going to be if I wanted to stay with him. 

He was that rough with me he bruised my lip whilst kissing me, he had left finger print marks on my left thigh by my bum, he bit my left ear (on the top) that hard I was looking for it on the floor. I could of cried. I mean I don't mind a bit of rough but this was getting a little too much. I became his god damn doll, a toy he could throw around and use. He would tell me stories and start to get really aggressive, you could see the anger in his eyes just at telling me something. I told him to calm down. He is homophobic, he body shames people and is raciest. He would use the 'c' world constantly (which I hated) and as soon as I would back off from him he would turn into the spin doctor and keep me where he wanted me even though deep down I knew it was wrong. I just couldn't get out of this vicious cycle. I was sat on his kitchen floor when I was upset and he held my head in his hands and told me he would buck his ideas up and take me out and do more things with me. I believed him. AGAIN. His sisters cat came into the room where we were. It came up to see me and I am not even exaggerating... He picked this cat up with one hand and he launched it at the chair hard. I have never seen fear in an animals eyes like that before. I had to hold back the tears. I told him to get away from me and I went to see the cat who wouldn't come out until he had walked off. He's a freakin monster. 

The final incident

I had stopped round his house on the 10th March. We had sex because he just wouldn't keep his hands off me. This is something I really didn't enjoy it was more like endurance. I was sore again, like really sore. On the morning of Saturday 11th, I was awakened with him having sex with me. I WAS ASLEEP!!! Asleep. I pushed him away and said "what on earth are you doing". He didn't see what the issue was. Now, what is most disturbing was that I told him back in the early days that a guy I was seeing had tried to have sex with me when I was asleep. I woke up with him naked on top of me. I had stopped him before anything had happened. I told my boss about it back then and I never saw this guy again. He KNEW this, he said it was disgusting and kept bring it up a couple of times a couple of weeks after and then did that. He thought that was okay. I was god damn asleep. THAT IS NOT OKAY MATE!!!

I went home. He rang me. He said "did we have sex whilst I was asleep" and I was really confused by this question. I said " what do you mean when YOU were asleep. You knew I was asleep, you were the one doing what you were doing." I text him after and said how do you feel about the 'us' situation. He was a little vague. I instantly felt upset. Why, I don't know. After everything he had put me through I still felt sympathetic towards him and didn't want to be rejected.

I was on a night out that night with the same work colleague. He hadn't spoken to me all day, all night and the following day. He was in a mood because I had gone out. I got asked for my number by a lad that night. I said "no sorry, I am seeing someone". When we finally did speak on the Sunday, he was really off with me and he made me cry. I was really upset, confused and just wanted a hug. He made me into this person I didn't like. 

Cut a majorly long story short I walked away from him. I was at work, he was getting upset about his kid being ill and he doesn't like being away from him. I took this as my chance to get out even though I was majorly hurting at this point. I text him "I am walking away". I didn't have a problem with him going back to his ex and son, I wasn't going to get in the way. I just wanted him to be happy even though he had treated me so badly. I am a nice person and always put others before myself and this is where I made so many mistakes to myself. I remained amicable and told him he wouldn't hear from me again. 

Stalking and harassment. 

His ex is a weirdo. I have never met... Well I have never met her, never spoken to someone so off their nut in my life. For months she had been messaging me, harassing me, sending me a barrage of abuse. I had ignored it and ignored it. The day I walked away from the rat, the fruit loop wanted to challenge me. BIG MISTAKE. HUGE!!! 

I found out that all the shit he was spinning me, he had turned it all around and blamed me for everything, everything he told me about her he said the same thing to her about me. He is an almighty spin doctor alright. She was messaging me all this stuff that he had said. Now, his 30th birthday was coming up and I had already bought him a really cool present for which him and his kid could enjoy. I was going to drop it off at his friends house and if he wanted it he could have it. I text him to say happy birthday and I don't want any hard feelings, that I hope he was happy. He wanted his ex back... So he thought he would text her the message I sent him. ARE YOU MAD?! It was a really nice message and that was it and he tried to set shit off with me and her again. She was messaging me calling me an "ugly, skinny rat" the he physically threw up when he told her had slept with me. LOADS of stuff. I was flabbergasted at what he was doing to me and feeding her all this bullshit. For days she kept messaging me on Instagram. I had already blocked her off Facebook.

I kept telling her to leave me alone, stop harassing me, to stop stalking me and to stop contacting me. She wouldn't listen. I let rip on her. She would then try and say things to get to me. I told her it wasn't getting me because I was the one who walked away. Even though he had told her that he told me he didn't want to be with me because he loved his ex. BULLSHIT mate, he never once said that, all it was, was that he hated her, but that wasn't my business and I didn't care. In the end I told her to pass a message onto him for me and that if I heard anymore lies, my name mentioned by anyone and if they kept contacting me I would "fuck them up". I meant with the truth because there was a lot of stuff that I hadn't told her. Like the above. She took that as if I was threatening her, even though I said "tell him". He then kept harassing me, constantly sending me texts, threatening me and my family. I told him leave me alone and stop contacting me. I was still trying to be amicable with both of them. Being the adult!! Nope it wasn't working. At this point I didn't blame her for coming at me because he was feeling her with lies and she stupidly believed it, just like I did. 

I then messaged her and apologised, and said to her that it wasn't aimed at her and if she thought I was threatening her, I am sorry but I wasn't and it wasn't a threat. She accepted and apologised back. I must of told her by this point 30 x to leave me alone. Again I said lets draw a line and not to contact me again. 

A couple of days later, she contacted me again on Instagram. She wanted to know everything about what happened with me an him. She was asking when I first slept with him, where I was, did I ever meet her kid loads of personal stuff. I had nothing to hide so I told her what she wanted to hear. Shortly after we were talking every day and became 'friends' or so I thought. I was really happy that out of this whole horrible situation that I made a friend out of it. How wrong I was. We would talk for hours, she told me a lot of stuff about him and his family. She told me that he beats his dog but he told me that she hated the dog. His mum and sister had told her that they had never met me. Phahaha. I mean really?! That he spat in her face and that's why she hit him. That they would argue and he would leave the place at night and not come home until the morning. She didn't know where he had been. She told me that she had to say 'NO' a lot too because he never understood that word. There was so much stuff we were telling each other about him and his family that contracted everything that he/they had said. She called his sister weird, that his mum would protect her over him and that one of her best mates has her husband under the thumb. She was spilling everything. Then after a while she would ask more questions, then told me to delete his text messages. I told her I would, I didn't. I found it odd that she asked that. 

The Finale. 

We were still talking, I started to really like her, we organised to meet out in a pub and everything. Again, my trust in people and my naivety was at an all time high. 

 I cannot remember the date but it was a Thursday. I had gone to the doctors over a week back to have my swabs done 'for piece of mind' and I had symptoms of what I thought was cystitis, I kept needing to go to the toilet, I felt sick and it really burned when I pee'd. When I had my swabs done I was worried I was pregnant and told my doctor about the above symptoms. I had a really bad throat too and wasn't well. I hadn't eaten for 3 days as I was so stressed and the doctor could tell from the urine sample. I wasn't pregnant, thank god. I then went home and waited for the results. I went back again because something wasn't right, these symptoms weren't going away, they were getting worse. I did another wee sample and she noticed blood in it and sent it off. A couple of days later I phoned for my swab results. I got told by the receptionist that they were clear. 

Great he didn't lie to me. I can get on with my life now. 

Nope Leya, that isn't going to happen any time soon. 

Another doctor at the same practice prescribed me some antibiotics that had Penicillin in - my dad is allergic and I phoned to speak to him about it. This was the Thursday. 

My mum and dad were sat in front of me on the sofa. The doctor went "oh..." I thought nothing of it. He was like "there's two antibiotics here... Hang on". Again, thought nothing of it. He then said and this is when everything fell apart. 

"You know you have chlamydia right!?" - I laughed and went " you what?!" he then said "what?" -  I said "What did you just say?!" He said "I am really sorry poppet but you have chlamydia". My whole body went numb, I started to have a panic attack (I suffer with anxiety) and mum had to take the phone. I was in total shock. 

I got back onto the phone with the doctor and evidently the receptionist read out the wrong results to me, she read my pee results which were clear from Cystitis. It was all a big mess. 

I then had to get more antibiotics which my doctor put up straight away to get rid of it. I swear I had an outer-body experience, the rage I had in me. Mum had to stop me flying out of the door to his house. I want to rip his face off. I had never seen myself like that before. I calmed down and rang him. This was the conversation... 

Him - "hello"
Me - "hi"
Him - "Who's this?!"
Me - " you know who this is"
Him *grunts* 
Me " I am just letting you know, I have just got off the phone to my doctor and you have *at this point I raised my voice* given me fucking chlamydia you lying dirty bastard."

I was more than furious I was nuclear. I was happy to go Jackie Chan on his ass. He straight away accused me. That was it I wanted to kill him. I know 100 million per cent that he gave it me. I hadn't been with anyone else other than him and he took that condom off without my consent and he gave me a disease. The disgusting low-life scum. I went and got the medicine. I took the medicine. Meanwhile, he was sending me a lot of threats. He blamed me, he then blamed his ex. I told his ex what has happened, in case they had slept with each other since and I thought she had the right to know. I wish I had never bloody told her. 

She was only concerned about herself and then started getting arsey with me. Are you serious love? Like really. I have been 100% honest and truthful throughout the whole of this and she doesn't even ask if I am okay. 

Unfortunately for me, I had an allergic reaction to the medicine. I ended up having to call 101 - well I was trying to call them but he kept texting me, he would call me over and over again. Within 12 hours he had called me like 20 something times. I ended up with an ambulance out to me and I was on a drip with meds. I was SO poorly. 

I ended up not going to work the next day. At 05.30 in the morning he was texting me saying that he was coming to my house my whole neighbourhood was going to know. So much crap. I had another panic attack. He never turned up. Full of hot air that one. They both think they are Billy Big Balls. This had been going on for weeks/months.

I ignored every single one of his calls and texts. 

He then texts me saying he had gone to the docs for tests and so had she... Why did she go? A bit suspect. 

He told me he had the results for his that day. Another massive lie from the pathological liar. Ha ha. I have never met two people so uneducated in my life. 

Just some of the calls in that one period. His mum did suggest showing my phone records...Here you go. Not what you expected was it. :)

Please note the atrocious spelling.  

Oh look another contradiction and bad spelling. I thought you had same day results?
The message above from him.. "u wana hope I'm positive an I no ur not lying" - 1. Please go back to school and get an education and 2. Does he realise what he's put there? Ha. Jeeze. No brain cells. 

I had spoken to the doctors, the doctors we all went to and to specialists in sexual health. They all said the same thing... The tests take a week to come back for both male and female and you only get a same day result if you go to a specialist and they can microscope it. Our surgery doesn't have that facility. They have to grow the bacteria first to see if there is anything. 

He is a lying asshole and I told him so. I told him to contact me when his results actually came back. He then contradicted himself and said "okay in a week when my results are back". I was like... Errr I thought you said you already had them. He really is as thick as he looks. 

What a dick. A small one at that. He was spinning that many lies he was tripping over himself. He sent me a picture of the medicine and said that the docs gave him that as a 'precaution'. I got it confirmed that they only give medication when they highly suspect the person has it. He told me his results were negative with the same day test results, which we all know he was lying about. I said to him if he was negative he wouldn't be sending me a pic of the meds he had to take to get rid of the disease he had given me. He would be in my face with the paperwork. I said I was happy to get my medical results and history and give them to him because I had nothing to hide. I was clear and clean before him. When I spoke to my doctor when I had to take the meds, they said to me... "Leya, the only thing that has changed is him". I was fine and my sexual health was fine until I met him. The scum of the earth. 

And of course the fruit loop believed his lies and took his side. What a fool, what a door mat, what a complete embarrassment. She then started attacking me again. She said "tell me again how you can catch something off someone who is negative". Hahahaha, they are really as thick as each other. They belong together. It's laughable. I was like are you freakin serious!!! They would of had their tests done separately and he's come out and told her a load more lies and she's believed him on his word... On his word. They mean nothing. 

So the stalking and harassment began again from both of them. I told him, "you took the condom off without my consent, you slept with me when I was drunk and he did it when I was asleep" Google it, I have. He must of because he went schtum!!!He never denied it either. He couldn't BECAUSE HE DID IT AND IT HAPPENED. Deadly quiet. But her, well she just made it 10 x worse for him. Now it makes me wonder why she is so obsessed with me, she won't leave me alone and she also had medication too. I wonder why that was? Doesn't take a genius to work that one out.  

She told me not to sick the medicine up because it won't work, she told me she knows because she has had it before. Hmmmm really?! So, did she have it and passed it onto him or did he catch it from someone else inbetween leaving her and sleeping with me. He told me he was in Digbeth, Birmingham and this girl approached him for sex. He told me he walked away but did he? With his sex drive and I hadn't slept with him at this point. Did he know he had it and gave it me with intent? A revenge plot to get to my dad? They are that sick and twisted who god damn knows. If that was my ex, I would be like 'drop me out of this'. Oh no, she kept messaging me, I never replied to her and she still kept going. She messaged me on my Instagram asking if I wanted to know her results... No you skank I don't... I didn't sleep with you. So I ignored her. She messaged me again. I ignored her and got on with my life. 

She then turned even more psycho and googled my house number and called my mum to tell her. As far as she was aware they didn't fully know. And she told my mum... My mum phoned me at work and told me. I went tits. My dad then phoned the the rat and told him to tell her back off because she's just made it a whole lot worse for him and he said to him that he wanted his results (at this point my mum and dad knew everything) and an apology. He then started threatening my dad, telling him to come and meet him acting like an imbecile and mouthing off because he had been caught out.   

I then instructed dad to call the police. 

The End Game. 

I told my dad to speak to the police about the threats, stalking and harassment. The whole lot came out. Before this I had contacted 6 different solicitors and asked for their advice on how to get his test results because they were going around tarnishing my name saying it was me that had the disease. I didn't. I filled them in briefly and they all told me that I needed to call the police. 

We tried to give him so many chances to own up but of course he wouldn't because it would be exposed that he's lied for the millionth time. 

I had two DC's come to my house - both female. I filled them in on everything, just as I have told you. I had a panic attack  when they came in because I was so freaked out. They were with me for hours. They said they could tell straight away that I was telling the truth because of how much detail I went into. I could tell you the same story over and over and it would remain the same because what is coming out of my mouth is the truth and nothing less. These guys are trained to read peoples body language and behaviour. What they told me next was a shock. 

What I had told them, they had sourced 3 accounts of what the law says is rape. 

RAPE. I was like hmmmm... What?! I had never gone to them claiming that, I was telling them my story. I see rape just like many others as, being dragged through a bush violently and raped. I was confused and shocked. I cried. 

At first it didn't sink in but the more I thought about it the more it became evident that what he did to me was in fact rape. He did all those things without my consent. The law says, if you don't have consent it's rape. Now I am not calling this guy a rapist, the law is. What he has done to me is a crime. 

The removal of the condom without my knowledge is now becoming a trend called 'Stealthing'. He did this to me and gave me a disease. HE DID THIS TO ME!!! He is a disgusting, vile, diseased wasteman who shouldn't be allowed to do this to anyone else. Who knows if this has happened to anyone else and they haven't had the guts to speak out. This stealthing trend topic has also been on Loose Women recently and they all had the same thoughts as me at the beginning. Rape - it's a strong word to use. Now we all see it the same. It is just that. 

The Hollyoaks Consent storyline has been everywhere and is so relevant to me right now. It's relevant full stop because guys seem to think it's okay to abuse a woman's body and trust for their own needs and they cannot get away with it. 

I have been offered counselling. I had to have a swab done again the other week to check it's gone. I had a panic attack - the whole experience was painful and it was the same pain I felt when I first slept with him and it brought back those memories. He has scarred me for life. I never want to go near a guy again. I have lost all trust. 

For weeks, I was trying to make a decision to take my case further go to court. I decided not to, rape cases only have a 5% conviction rate because each case is very much a he said/ she said situation. I have a lot of evidence but he is a pathological liar, I cannot deal with being in court and hearing his lies and having to re-live it all again. Okay, so I wasn't violently abused, but he mentally abused me in making me go back to him, by making me feel like I was the weird one. He used my emotions and preyed on that. He is evil. 

He has since been called in for questioning under caution and he told the police that I told him to take the condom of!!! 

YOU FUCKING LIAR!!!!!!!!! I cried down the phone when the DC told me that. I knew he wasn't going to admit it but to blame me and lie. Then it hit me... It made sense... He really is thick. He couldn't turn to them and say he used a condom because they would then wonder how I got the disease. He knew he had it and that's why I got it so the only way he could get around it is by saying I told him to take it off. Now I KNOW 100% he knew he had it and he gave it me with intent. Dirty, disgusting motherf**cker!!! 

It's just like my friend said. I suppose it's the nature vs nurture argument. Was he born this way? Is it in his DNA? Or was it the way he was brought up? Taught not to show respect for women, never had sex ed by the looks of it either. Who knows, all I know is that people like him and his ex need professional help. 

His ex has continued to harass and stalk me. She has had 3 warnings off the police and so has his mum and sister. 

I called his ex out for stalking me as on her Instagram she had set up fake accounts. One called Chrissy Smith 123. She uses this account to look at my things because her actual account is blocked. I refuse to set my account to private because I used it for my blog and makeup looks. I am NOT changing my life because of a girl that's a peanut short of a snickers. I told her to leave me alone and that if I sign her forehead would she get the hint. She put up on her Instagram story things like telling me to go and 'f*ck her up", that's she's waiting for me to come round, she actually put my name up there calling me disgusting and vile, she then named him too which was a bad move on her part because everyone now knows who he is. She keeps provoking and I am not biting. Too bad. 

I was told by mutual friends what she was putting up so I found them and sent them to the police. N/B mutual friends! :)

She's a mother and she uses language like that. Just wow. 

The above message she had posted when drunk and had heard about what had happened with him and the police. And I thought I had a potty mouth. I am SO glad I was raised properly. What an embarrassment. 

I am not the stalker babe. EVERYONE can see this. I get told! Tut tut. 

I then called her out on Facebook because I had enough of taking and taking her abuse. She couldn't stand that I was living my life and was getting happier. She would watch my Instagram off her fake account constantly. She is blocked on everything. So every time I would post in general, she would then put the above up. Now, I haven't put everything up. I have around 80 pieces of evidence between them all and that not even half of it. She calls me the stalker, which is funny because it wasn't me looking. It's a mutual friend. 

Then his mum and sister piped up and made it a whole lot worse for themselves. His mum insinuated that I am a paedophile. :O All because when me and the fruit loop were following each other on Instagram I liked the posts she put up. Paedophile, I mean really... That's the best you've got? So all my friends and family stepped in. She then outed her own son on my Facebook (bearing in mind I am not friends with his mum and sister on Facebook so they had stalked me too, becoming a trend this) and tried to make out I was a bitter ex. I am not an ex, I am a victim. She was literally scraping the barrel and she had NOTHING. The whole thing is laughable although I have in writing, BLACK AND WHITE, what she was putting out there about me. What she was insinuating. Stupidity is a choice if you keep making the same mistakes. His mum really didn't take into account her profile picture and that both her and his ex outed him. 

Then the cray cray (his ex) did the same but worse. Deary me honey you really are stupid. 

I had posted I was at the park one weekend. I was taking photo's of the river as it was a really sunny day and I was going to vlog but there were people around and I got too shy to do it. I got bored and started walking back to my car. I had my headphones in. I looked up and there she was. I knew it was her because of her bad ginger roots and she always wears the same god damn top. She looked at me and then turned to her parents ( I am gathering that's who they were) they were all staring at me and I carried on walking by, they didn't intimidate me one bit but they were provoking. She started shouting stuff to me but I had my headphones in and didn't hear. It's a good job because I would of stopped. I didn't, I left her to it. 

I later put on Facebook that she had stalked me and followed me to the park. I didn't name her.I called her vermin. Again herself and her minions were stalking my page on fake account and had seen it. How did she know I was talking about her if she wasn't there?Hmmm. She then, the next day, obviously from another fake account, screen shots my name, picture and status and then puts it up on Instagram ( I got told again so I screenshotted) insinuating just like his mum did that I am a paedophile a long with a load other things. I wasn't going to let that one lie...  :) 

More contradictions and more lies. Too funny. 

That bunch really are pathetic and have no commonsense. Did they even go to school? 

Since then she has carried on and has done the same again. The little keyboard warrior is all mighty behind the screen, a cyber bully but unbeknown to them. I have ALWAYS had the upperhand and always been 10 steps ahead because I am the one who hasn't lied. I have been honest and truthful, even if it has made me look an idiot for being so pathetic and needy with him. They don't realise the severity of what they have insinuated about me. They will soon 
realise. That is all. 

What they obviously don't realise is that I have a case (confirmed by my solicitor) for Defamatory Libel. I could sue the ass off them both but I am keeping this one in my pocket for now, until I decide what to do. There's no hiding from black and white. I rest my case. I know exactly what 'defamation' means and is, I have a journalism degree... To you also, I think you need to Google it. 

Fruit loop deleted all her inbox messages on Instagram which evidently deleted them my end. Why did she delete them all? Got something to hide babe? I don't... I have and know EVERYTHING. What does that really say about you? Ha.

There is a heck of a lot more I could say but lets be honest, this is long enough and I am sick of talking about it and giving them all head space. I am moving on with my life. I am happy, I have my own money, a decent job, a car, the best family and friends I could get, I have my talents and right now I have my health. Nothing anybody could do or say can take that away from me. They have nothing. Literally nothing like me and that's what kills them the most. 

Girls and boys, I really hope nobody goes through what I have because it's one of the most horrible things. I have been used, violated and abused verbally. I feel tainted, I see men differently and I also see people differently. I don't want this to happen to anyone else. Please be aware that guys are taking condoms off without your knowledge and it's called Stealthing. Look it up. I wish I had. Do not ever let anybody abuse you or your body and please, please, please trust your gut. I wish I had because I ignored it so many times and look where it got me. I blame myself for believing him and his lies and I blame myself for giving him second, third and forth chances. You think you're strong but until you're in this kind of situation you end up realising you're not and that's what they prey on. The Hollyoaks story line is so relevant to me because it is very similar to mine. He is walking around now, free. He shouldn't be walking around free. He' committed crimes but I am too afraid to take it further because of my anxiety and with the low % rate of convictions it would seriously affect my health. I am not a vindictive person, I am the nicest person you will ever meet but never mistake that or underestimate me because when I KNOW I am telling the truth and others are lying you will wish you never met me because I am a girl of principle and respect. I am the end game and the truth always wins. It will never be over until the truth is out there. 

If any other these people in question are reading this, I have a message for each of you. I haven't been allowed to say anything throughout this process and this is my closure, my time, now. 

To him. 

You KNOW who's the liar in this situation and you stare at him every day in the mirror. I hope you choke on the lies you have spun for months and months and I really hope the karma bus runs you over for what you did to me. You know what you did, karma saw it and karma knows. You are a disgusting, poor excuse of a human being who is evil. You will get your comeuppance, you don't have consent you low-life then you don't just take it. What you have done is a crime... 3 crimes in fact and what you did was WRONG. You know it, I know it. YOU took that condom off without my knowledge, YOU slept with me and did things that I wasn't aware of when I was drunk and YOU did it when I was asleep. Deny it all you want dude, this isn't the last of it. I will take it further when I AM ready. Yes the decision is mine and mine only. I would happily show everyone my results in front of you and I would happily tell this story in front of everyone, I would love to see you try and lie then. So where are your negative test results babe, nowhere because it wasn't negative. I didn't get your disgusting disease from thin air, I got it because of what you did. You are scum. I never went to the police claiming anything, I just told them exactly what happened. Unfortunately for you the law say's otherwise. I am calling you nothing, I have accused you of all the things YOU DID. If you cannot do the time you don't do the crime. You are a manipulative, narcissistic sociopath and you really do need some help. Any girl that goes near you in the future should be warned because they don't deserve what you did to me to happen to them too. You haven't got away with this by the way.  You need professional help, you are disrespectful, dirty and I feel sorry for your kid to have a homophobic, body shaming nasty piece of work like you for a dad. Poor show dude. You didn't have consent, you take the consequences. I hope you rot in hell. :) I am not scorned, I am not bitter, I will recover. I just really pitty you and your sad existence. You will never get out of it because I have all the evidence and facts I need. I will fight because the truth will prevail. Case closed.

To her. 

I really don't understand your obsession with me, you also need professional help. It does make me wonder if you were the diseased one?! You had it before right... You knew how to deal with the medicine, how did you know not to sick it up because it won't work? Did you sick yours up then, did it not work for you? Dirty. You literally have the biggest big nose and you need to take it out of my business because none of this concerns you. It was between me and him. All I have ever done was understand you and play nice. You have said and done stuff that makes you STUPID love. I mean off the scale idiotic. You have only made yourself look desperate, pathetic and as much as a low-life as him. I pity both of you. You made the biggest mistake of all. You outed him. Ha. I literally did nothing. His mum outed him. I did nothing. You underestimated me and my truth. That was your first mistake. I am all for empowering women, you on the other hand try to bring them down to your level. You're already in the gutter a long with him, where you both belong. You cannot get any lower. Sad really. You involved yourself, you deal with the consequences. You spend so much time on social media stalking me that you forget to be a mother. If you paid as much attention to them as you have done me I bet they will feel so loved. Now go play mum instead of stalking me and get a life instead of wishing you had mine. You made your bed, go lie in it. I really do hope that you both get back together because you both deserve each other and no innocent person should suffer being with either one of you. 

To his family. 

You never met me did you? Although you outed your son/brother and gave everyone our history... or what you thought was our history. Ha ha. But you never met me right?! A massive pattern is forming and that is that you're all born liars. It's too funny and cringe to watch. I think you need to spend less time at the premises provoking men in front of CCTV so they can't do nothing in retaliation to the venom coming out of your mouth (you showed me the screen shots, or have you suddenly contracted amnesia?) and also go and play mum to your wasteman of a son. You obviously condone his behaviour right, or did he not tell you what ACTUALLY happened? How's your B12 deficiency by the way?! The same to you, we all know what your son is like, he told me himself how violent he gets, punching his ex's car window and oh look her dad hated him too. Actually most people don't like your son or his newly prized ex. Can you think why? Hmmm. Don't think everyone's your friend lovely. :) Of course you will stick up for your own it's natural but do you think what he did was natural, if you brought him up that way then yeah. I think you all need to look in the mirror and realise what you have done and brought into the world. Some may say a son, some may say Lucifer. Please stop using your grandson as a human shield too, it's boring. He isn't the Messiah, he is a small child who needs better parents and not to be used like you all have. I didn't want everyone to know I was seeing your son because quite frankly it's embarrassing. I mean look at him.

To all the readers. 

This is my story, my truth, it happened to me. I wish it never happened. I wish I had never picked up the phone, I wish I didn't let him talk me into sleeping with him, I wish I didn't keep going back,  I wish a lot of things but what I don't wish is for this to ever happen to any of you. Please be aware, please be safe and if you ever see any of the above mentioned patterns run for your life because some motherf**ckrs think they can ruin you. My story has had to come out in this form because my name is being tarnished when I am the innocent and injured party. I have nothing to hide and their behaviour is really unacceptable. 

I am strong, I am honest, truthful and respectful and the people that harm you will never lead a happy life no matter how much they try and convince people otherwise, do you know why? Because they are the one's who have to live with themselves and snakes will eventually choke themselves. I do blame myself, I am not distinguishing my part in this. I shouldn't of gone back time and time again to be abused like that. Unfortunately for me and luckily for him he caught me when I was weak and lonely. If that's my crime I will take it on the chin because I am not saying otherwise. I will fight to the death if my truth is challenged. There will be no contest. That's the kind of woman I am (rightly or wrongly). I am who I am and I am true to myself.  

I hope you all understand what I have gone through and still going through and why I am have been quiet on SM for a while. 

I love you all and please remember sexual assault is any sexual contact with someone without his or her consent. Be the gent that respects the girl and her body. Girls, read the warning signs 
and be savvy.   

Until next time.... 


You can find me on the following social media links. 





  1. So proud of you for speaking out, your amazing
    And stay strong xx
    ChloeBlogs xx

    1. Thank you SO much lovely. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. Means a lot :). I am strong don't you worry!! I am The Hulk! Ha. Xxx

  2. Took me two reads to fully absorb this, part of me is feeling like this is horrendous and the other part of me thinks why didnt u ring me when he was threatening to come to ur house?!?! Some people don’t deserve any respect this guy seems real scum. I’m glad ur such a strong woman and u have the strength and support to move on. Just be u mate don’t let anyone change u fuck them ������✌��


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